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Displaying #106-120 of 221 total posts First Previous  4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12  Next Last
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Sep 5th 2007
Stupid Grandpa. Don't You Get It? A grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and sees a condom on the table. "What's this!?" demands the grandfather. "It's a condom," replies the grandson sheepishly. "What do you use it for?" asks Gramps. The grandson is surprised that his grandpa really doesn't know what a condom is, and replies, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." To his surprise his grandpa says, "That's a great idea," and goes off to the drug store. He asks the pharmacist for a condom. "What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist. "Oh, big enough to fit a camel."
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Sep 7th 2007
How Many Blonde Jokes... Q: How many blonde jokes are there? A: One. The rest are all true stories.
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Sep 22nd 2007
Genesis Adam was walking around the garden of Eden, moping. God asked him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam replied that he was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Adam thought a moment and asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
81928 Nibs: 650
Member Since: Aug 14th 2007
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Posted on Sep 23rd 2007
these two old guys are playing golf at their local golf course as they live quite near and they are talkin about the poker game they are hosting that evening. This stranger walks up to them and asks if he can join them in their golf game and in their poker game afterwards as he is from out of town and looking for something to do that night. The two old guys dont think its a bad idea to let the stranger join them. A few holes later the one old guy says to the new guy "what do you do for a living?". The new guy says .....:well.....im a hitman".. The old guys begin to laugh at him slapping their knees and getting a good laugh at the new guys expense. The one old guy says "whos a hitman anymore. bugger off your not a hitman"...just as the one old man says that the new guy pulls out this handgun with a very nice scope on the top. "holy S!@#" the one old guy says .."can I see that?" the hitman hands the gun to him. The old guy looks through the scope at his house only a few hundred yards away and is shocked to see his wife walking by the window in the nude. Then when the old guy looks back through the scope there was his next door neighbor walking behind his wife also in the nude. The old guy looks at the hitman and asks him how much he would charge to kill his wife and if he could do it before the end of the week. The hitman responds " I charge 2000$ to kill your wife and I can do it now if you would like" "sure" says the old man...."ohhh and can you shoot the neighbor in the balls while your at it?" . Hitman turns to him and says no problem but that will cost you an extra 1000$. The hitman then turns towards the guys house and looks through the scope, and then pulls back, looks through the scope again and then pulls back. then he looks through the scope again and the old guy says to him " what are you doing?" hit man says " trying to save you 1000$".. LMAO i thought that was funny but better to hear it in person. got told this one at a poker game i was at. hope you enjoy.
ALL IN! Take Er EZ!, If she's EZ take er Twice..
49888 Nibs: 1,676
Member Since: May 24th 2006
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Posted on Sep 26th 2007
all real good guys!!!
AA
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Sep 30th 2007
Oooolllllld Lawyer A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Oct 9th 2007
How does Snoop Dogg keep his teeth white? BLEEEEEE-YATCH!
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Oct 10th 2007
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant
83045 Nibs: 480
Member Since: Sep 24th 2007
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Posted on Oct 13th 2007
some funny stuff in here. good thread.
ima take ur stack
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Oct 15th 2007
Through the Desert On a Man With No Ears A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same. "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate. "Yes. You have no ears." He quickly eliminated the first candidate. "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate. "Yes. You have no ears." He quickly eliminated the second candidate. "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate. "Yes. You're wearing contacts." Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?" "You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Oct 16th 2007
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon."
75480 Nibs: 1,722
Member Since: Feb 11th 2007
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Posted on Oct 19th 2007
"What's your excuse for coming home at this time of night?" a wife said to her husband. "Dear," he answered, "I was golfing with my friends." "What?" she countered. "Until two in the morning?" "Yes," he said. "We used night clubs."
Carpe Diem
75480 Nibs: 1,722
Member Since: Feb 11th 2007
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Posted on Oct 20th 2007
One afternoon a rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw a poor man and his family on the roadside, eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate. "Sir," the rich man said, "collect your family and bring them into the limo. You can eat at my estate tonight, and you can have your fill." "Thank you for your kindness," the father said as the family entered the car. "Thing nothing of it. We havent mowed the lawn in a month."
Carpe Diem
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Oct 23rd 2007
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!" "It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!" "Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Oct 29th 2007
It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says. 'That''s cool.' says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.' Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?' 'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!' Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!' About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!'
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