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51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Aug 3rd 2007
Hooligan Hijinx A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns. "Give me a Budweiser, or...!" "O-o-o-o-r-r-r... w-w-what?" stammers the bartender. "A small Coke."
81069 Nibs: 288
Member Since: Jul 18th 2007
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Posted on Aug 5th 2007
horse walks into a bar- bartender says why the long face?
I pwn
61953 Nibs: 1,510
Member Since: Jul 31st 2006
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Posted on Aug 12th 2007  -  Subject: joke
A blonde walks into a takeaway and asks for a cheese and tomato pizza. She sits there waiting for her pizza. When its finally ready the guy behind the counter asks her "would you like it cutting into 6 or 8 slices?" To which she replies "oooh, just 6, i couldnt eat 8" sorry if this has already been said
the flop can give you the nuts or kick you in em!!
19176 Nibs: 1,075
Member Since: Feb 6th 2006
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Posted on Aug 13th 2007
My buddy just found out his wife had died about a week ago. He had no idea that this had happen to her. He said he thought something was wrong when the laundry piled up, but said the sex was the same.
GambitMaster Team Toronto
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Aug 14th 2007
Chillin' Biddies One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too short to reach.
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Aug 15th 2007
Make a Sentence Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply: ''Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!''
19176 Nibs: 1,075
Member Since: Feb 6th 2006
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Posted on Aug 17th 2007
MY BANK ACCOUNT IS THE BIGGEST JOKE OF ALL TIME .........................................
GambitMaster Team Toronto
19176 Nibs: 1,075
Member Since: Feb 6th 2006
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Posted on Aug 19th 2007
your mama is such a ho, that when she was on the Maury Povich Show to find out the baby daddy, the results came back saying it was the audience. ..............................................................
GambitMaster Team Toronto
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Aug 21st 2007
Pig in a Bar A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose." And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Aug 22nd 2007
Who Wants To Be a Millionaire A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..." The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no. So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes. The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Aug 23rd 2007
Three-Legged Race One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house. The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen. The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken. "That''s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?" "I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
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Posted on Sep 1st 2007
Drunk at Your Door A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's half-past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No. Get lost, it's half-past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and, not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts: "Hey, do you still want a push?" and he hears a voice cry out "Yeah please." So, still being unable to see the stranger, he shouts: "Where are you?" And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing set."
29660 Nibs: 23,624
Member Since: Mar 19th 2006
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Posted on Sep 1st 2007
Just gotta say Ivey you have lots of good ones...keep them coming!
19176 Nibs: 1,075
Member Since: Feb 6th 2006
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Posted on Sep 2nd 2007
OK its not a new joke but everyone who plays poker has heard Phil Helmuth is the best poker player in NL holdem .......................................
GambitMaster Team Toronto
51227 Nibs: 1,850
Member Since: May 29th 2006
Quote
Posted on Sep 4th 2007
Bra & Hat What did the bra say to the hat? "You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift."
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