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Posted on May 16th 2008  -  Subject: how to sex a fly
A woman comes home to find her husband sitting on the kitchen table with a fly swat. "caught any" she asked, "yes, three males and two females" he replied. Intreaged, "how do you sex a fly" she asked. "Easy, there were three on the bear cans and two on the telephone" he replied.
baz
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Posted on May 16th 2008  -  Subject: Old age
My nan's a flirty old girl, she's say's she's going out with 5 men at the moment and she's 87. asked adout this she replied, When I get up in the morning I go to lLou I then go down stairs where Mr Quaker gives me my oats, A little later Arther rightis visits me, he dosn't stop in one place but goes from joint to joint. I then go to bed with Jonny Walker, O'h yes I'm also on close terms with Al zimers. The other day the Vicar came round and said that at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter O'h I do I said, whenever I'm in the shed or the basement I askmyself, know what the devil am I here after.  
baz
24854 Nibs: 12,006
Member Since: Feb 28th 2006
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Posted on Jun 1st 2008
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant."It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out.""That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned."Get my brown pants."
Feed the Fish! Not the Sharks!.
64490 Nibs: 1,185
Member Since: Sep 3rd 2006
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Posted on Jun 5th 2008  -  Subject: :))
"The common point between 1 SINGLE MAN and 1 PLAYER OF POKER..... in 2 cases, it is better to have 1 GOOD HAND"   SaPaGil :)) good one
baadnewz
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Posted on Jun 7th 2008  -  Subject: ;))
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
baadnewz
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Posted on Jun 8th 2008  -  Subject: ;))
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?" The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am". George W. asked him why he was so unfriendly and Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert.
baadnewz
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Posted on Jun 9th 2008  -  Subject: :))
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
baadnewz
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Posted on Jun 10th 2008  -  Subject: :d
A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees off, she steps into ladies' teebox and gets hit in the head with his drive. She is pronounced D.O.A. and taken to the morgue. The coroner calls him in and says, "She definitely died from a blow to the head caused by the golf ball. But the only thing we can't understand is why was there a golf ball in her rectum?" "Oh," he replies, "that must have been my mulligan."
baadnewz
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Posted on Jun 20th 2008
Did you hear about the man who broke his leg while raking leaves. He fell out of the tree.
Si no eres paciente y esperas la mano correcta para apostar ten seguro que perderas ;)
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Posted on Jun 20th 2008  -  Subject: Innocent
It was a little boy with name Pelle, he was 4 year. He was playing in the sandbox with some other children. Suddenly he heard something he never had heard before. He heard: member of a gang of youths who ride about in big American cars. He ran into the house to ask his mother what a member of this kind of gang was. She told her to ask his father when he comes home from work. When Pelles father came home Pelle asked: Dad, what is a member of a gang of youths who ride about in big American cars. Pelles father told him that they would talk about that after dinner. Pelle couldn't wait that long. He knew that the neighbour boy was that kind of member. Because of that Pelle sneaked in to this boys car and hide. The neighbour boy took the car and drove away. Suddenly he stopped the car, and said Hi to a girl. He asked if she wanted to have a ride. Of course she said. So they drove away. The neighbour boy drove to the nearest forrest way, and he stopped the car. He asked the girl; Do you want? She answered: No, I don't... The neighbour boy told her to step out of the car and he said, then you can walk home. The neighbour boy returned home and Pelle sneaked out of the car. He took his tricycle with a board.... He stopped and asked little Lisa if she wanted a ride. Yes, she wanted and she sat on the board. They went to the nearest forrest way, and Pelle stopped and asked little Lisa; Do you want! Little Lisa noded and said Yes, of course! Pelle told her: Well then, take the bike... I walk home!    
2x LB3 winner, 1x LB1 winner, 2nd in Player --> The fish can too, if not win it can lose!
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Posted on Jun 25th 2008
Why didn't the elephant like to play poker in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs.
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Posted on Jun 28th 2008  -  Subject: Webster's Definition of Lottery
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Posted on Jun 28th 2008
iwanThou nice one :))
flop
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Posted on Jul 1st 2008  -  Subject: Craps joke
Last night I got thrown out of the casino. I completely misunderstood the crap table.
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Posted on Jul 7th 2008
Did you know, you can kiss a nun once you can kiss a nun twice but! you musn't get in the habit
baz
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